To Heal Heartbreak
by x-PaintItRed-x
Summary: Karkat's heart is broken.. Nepeta tries to fix it.. And a certain someone decides to come back into Karkat's life. Will the mutant blood ever find real happiness? Or will he simply fall victim to depression once again? - Boyxboy, Xeno Genitalia, Karkat's POV, Abuse, Self Harm, Other ships suggested - Don't like, don't read.
1. Chapter 1

I walked as fast as I could, crying harder than I ever had before. My heart ached and my stomach was doing flips as I sat in the school's restroom, it being completely empty at the moment. I should be heading to class.. Like everyone else.. But I can't. Not after what I just saw in the hall.

It had been a normal day.. A test in one class.. A fight or two in gym... Nothing out of the usual. But then I was at my locker before fifth bell and..

"I love you.."  
"Love you too babe."

I had stopped searching for my books, peeking around the corner of my locker door, to see Dave Strider talking to my 'best friend', John Egbert. He's smiling.. Which never happens.. and so is John.

"Promise you'll come over to help me study?" The blue eyed male was staring hopefully up at the taller of the two.  
Dave only gave him a look of uncertainness. "I'll see. I might be busy."  
"Please Dave?"  
My eyes widened in disbelief as the blonde smirked and leaned down, kissing John softly. "Ok. I'll be there around six. Sound good?"

I don't know what John's answer was because I quickly shut my locker door, forgetting my books, and absconded to the restroom where I now sit, crying and trying hard not to sob aloud. I sit there for who knows how long before I finally hear a knock on the stall door. "Karkitty..? Are you in here?"

It was Nepeta, one of the only friends I ever trusted with my secrets besides my ex moirail, Gamzee. "Y-yeah.. I'm here.." I say this quietly and stay where I am, eyes now red and swollen. "Well are you going to open the door or just make me stand in the boy's restroom all day?" She says this as she attempts to open the door, her tail swaying slightly behind her. "I just want to be alone Nepeta.. Please.. Go away." At this, she pouts and I hear her say, "Ok. You asked for it.". I see her feet disappear from under the door and the next thing I know... Her sweaty moirail, Equius Zahhak, is breaking the door down.

"What the fuck Equius?! That's school property! We'll get in trouble!"

Nepeta instantly silences me with some shoosh paps. I try pushing her away, but her bright green eyes stare into mine, lulling me into a sense of security. "Worry about the door later. How about you come over to my house and we'll talk?" She says this softly, Equius right behind her with a face of stone.  
"I don't know.."  
"Don't worry. Equius won't listen. He has to go to football practice today so we'd be alone." Nepeta's sharp fangs poked over her lip a bit, a small smile on her face.  
"Ok.. But just for a little while."

She smiles, and before I know it, I'm walking alone with the olive blooded troll, on my way to her house. I don't want to go.. But then again, I would like to talk to someone who cares.

And in this case... Nepeta's the only one who really does care.


	2. Chapter 2

"Ok, so start from the beginning.. What happened..?"  
I had stared at the floor for the longest time when Nepeta had asked me that. The image of Dave kissing John was still fresh in my mind and replaying over and over again as I tried to find the words to explain what happened. I finally thought of something to tell her, it being that, "I heard Dave talking with John about helping him study and the next thing I know my asshole of a so-called friend got kissed by the idiot." but... That didn't exactly come out of my mouth.

"He.. ki-kissed John.." was all I managed to croak before breaking into another fit of tears, earning me more shoosh papping and a hug.

"Shh... It's ok Karkitty.. It'll be ok. Want me to call Gam- I mean.. Oh gosh.. I'm sorry.." She hugged me tighter, more tears falling down my face, exposing the hideous truth that I'm a mutant blooded troll.

"I c-can't take much more Nepeta.. I can't.."

She looks at me a bit funny and frowns. "It's only a crush Karkat.. You'll get over it purrty soon.."  
"No.. I-it's not just that. It's e-everything. I've been bothered by every fucking a-asshole in the school about being a disg-gusting mutant blood... Gamzee left m-me.. John is in no d-damn way my moirail anymore.. And I just saw how Dave fucking f-feels about me.."

"But you still have Kankri at home don't you..?"

"Kankri..? Th-that asshole finally got off his damn high chair and d-decided to move in with his new matesprit Cr-Cronus.." I hold myself now, remembering how I had woken up one morning to find mine and my dancestor's shared bed cold beside me. He had left a note.. Telling me how he decided that he did like Cronus and that he moved in with him.. But it hurt. I was happy for him... But he was the only mutant blood around other than me and now he's who knows where with the Ampora guy.

"Oh... Well umm.. I'm still here. You know I'll do whatefur I can to help you Karkitty. I purromised you that remempurr?"  
"Y-yeah.. B-but.. Dave pr-probably fucking h-hates me.." My voice cracked on the last two words and Nepeta pulled me closer than before, rubbing me back, shoosh papping me, and doing whatever she possibly could to help me. It took a while, but it soothed me.. And soon I was only sniffling as I leaned against her, my arms around her in a hug.

"Please Nepeta... Don't ever leave me.." I sound pathetic as all hell when I say this, but she smiled nonetheless.

"I won't.. I purromise.." She then kissed my cheek, my face heating up slightly at that and took my hand. " You want to watch a movie? I've got purrlenty of pawsome movies we can watch."  
I nod, and before I knew it her and I were both huddled under a blanket, watching the tv screen as the movie began.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey Vvantas! Come here I need to talk wwith you!" Eridan called this to me as he ran through the halls, dodging various students on his way. I really didn't want to talk to him... He always bothered me with some useless videogame shit or he missed an assignment, but nonetheless I answered him.  
"What is it Eridan? I need to get to my next class."  
He smirked slightly and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, a frown appearing on my face as he did so. "I heard a certain someone is back in this school noww. He's going to be in your next class starting today."  
This genuinely interested me. A guy coming back to our school in one of my classes? But who?  
"What guy?"  
"Oh.. Wwell you knoww.. I'd lovve to tell you, but I havve to get to my next class. Havve fun getting along wwith your neww chemistry partner.."  
He then left, leaving me completely dumbfounded as I grabbed my Chemistry book and headed to class.

The bell had just rung and I was sitting in my seat in the back alone as usual. It had been almost a week since John and Dave had started going out and thankfully this was the one class that neither of them shared with me. I stared down at my notebook, playing with my pencil while I waited for the teacher to start her lesson. I was glad to be free of those two during this period. It gave me time to think about stuff other than my own self loathing and hatred for them..  
But then the teacher stood from her desk as the class door opened and I heard her say something I thought I'd never hear.  
"Mr. Makara, welcome back."  
My eyes had immediately shot up, staring at the student that now stood in front of the class. Tall, lanky figure.. Big curved horns.. Clown makeup..  
It really was him.  
"Class, this is Gamzee. Most of you know him from last year. Sadly, he got into some trouble and was removed from the school, but it has come to my knowledge that he has proven himself a good student and will be returning to our school starting today."  
"Thanks Mrs. Slick. Means a brother a lot."  
His voice came out slow and a bit droned out and I couldn't help but smile. Sure, he's my ex-moirail.. But.. It was still good to see him again. But.. Then the teacher assigned him the empty seat beside me and I couldn't help but clench my fists in annoyance. The last time we spoke, he was drunk as all hell and hit me repeatedly while telling me that he was so fucking annoyed with my "bitchy ass self" and that he never wanted to see my "ugly mutant face" ever again.  
He sat beside me, a book in his hand and the slightest bit of a frown on his face. I grimaced at the thought of having to sit next to him all year and opened my book as class began.

"Hey.. Karbro.." His voice was quiet and sounded a bit unsure when I heard Gamzee speak about twenty minutes later. I stiffened slightly and said hi back, but nothing more. I didn't really feel like speaking to him right then.  
"Um.. So I was wonderin'.. You think a brother could all up and get a second to talk to ya after school..?" He said this just as quietly and I could tell that he was actually scared.. Like he was afraid to speak or.. even look.. at me. I bit my lip, thinking over what I should say. What if he hit me again? The last time he did I almost ended up with a broken arm.. But apparently I couldn't think anymore because soon my lips were moving.  
"Sure.. Behind the old playground.."  
"Alright.. I'll see you then."  
And with that... the class bell rang and Gamzee was gone.  
The rest of the day went by like a blur to me.. Even when John and Dave kissed at lunch. I couldn't think straight. Why was Gamzee here? Why did he want to talk to me after he said he never wanted to see me again? I didn't know but soon the seventh bell rang and I was on my way to the old, unused school playground to find Gamzee, spotting him by a bush where he sat on a fallen tree.

"Uh... Hi..?" I said this awkwardly, standing in front of him. He looked up at me and I saw a small frown on his face once again. I stepped back instinctively, afraid to get hit again, and he stood, his frown turning into something of worry. "Karkat.." He stepped forward and before I could even turn to run his hands were on me. But.. He wasn't hitting me. I stood there, frozen as he hugged me, the smell of makeup filling my nose. I didn't smell any alcohol on him like I used to... And when he spoke it didn't sound like he used to. "You don't need to be scared bro... I ain't all up and gonna hurt ya. I promise.." I shook slightly and before I knew it I was hugging.. Or rather clinging to him.  
"Why..?" is all I managed to ask him as he held me, tears slowly falling down my cheeks. Why was he being so nice to me now? Why was he acting even better than when he was my moirail?  
"I'm so fuckin sorry Karbro.. I didn't mean to. I just got angry and with the drinks.. I.. I just wasn't right all up in my thinkpan y'know?" He hugged me tighter and I could tell he was being honest. He was genuinely sorry.  
"I never meant to hurt you... I would never do that to you. Please.. I've come all this way. I have no where else to go and all I need is for ya to understand that I never meant to up n' hurt ya.."  
I nodded and hugged him as tight as possible, crying into his shoulder. "Ok.. I- I believe you Gamzee.. I do. Just.. Please don't drink anymore.."  
I could feel him nod and he said something about having stopped drinking shortly after leaving but then something clicked in my head and I had to ask him.  
"What do you mean you have no place to stay?" I pulled back from him slightly, looking at him with a raised eyebrow.  
"Well.. I mean.. I'm crashing at Tav's place tonight.. But any other night I got no place to go."  
I stared at him and then took his hand, giving it a small squeeze. "You can stay with me.." I smiled shyly and he nodded in response. "Can I stay with you tonight..?"  
"But what about Tavros..?"  
He smiled a bit and shook his head. " I'd rather stay with you.."  
And that was how it began.. My ex-moirail was back.. And from the looks of it, he wasn't really my ex-moirail anymore.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey Karkitty.. I heard Gamzee's staying with you tonight?" Nepeta's voice was questioning as she spoke to me over the phone. It had been a few hours since school ended and I was standing in the kitchen of my (weird as fuck) human house. I could see Gamzee sitting on my living room couch and I smiled a bit as I answered her.

"Yeah. He's here. Why?"  
"Well.. I just wanted to let you know that I'm here ok? If he does anything to try and hurt you-"  
"He won't Nepeta. There's no alcohol here. Besides.. Even if there was Gamzee said he isn't drinking anymore." He looked over at his makeup covered friend, smiling a bit more when their eyes met and Gamzee smiled.

"Well.. Ok. But purrlease.. If anything does go wrong don't hesitate to call me."  
"Alright. I will. Promise. But don't worry, nothing will go wrong. I'm perfectly safe here. Now I've got to go. I promised Gamzee we'd watch a movie."  
"Alright. Have a nice night."  
"You too." With that, I hung up, placing my cell phone on the counter before heading over to the couch where I sat down beside my highblooded friend. "Sorry about that.. Nepeta was just-"  
"It's fine Karbro. I get it. I don't blame her for worryin'." He smiled, wrapping an arm around me.

"Yeah.. A-about that.."  
"Hmm?" He looked at me, a frown appearing on his face. "You aren't still all up n' worried about that are you..?"  
"No! Not at all!" I hugged Gamzee, nuzzling him slightly. It was an affection action, but I honestly missed our moirailship, even the hugging and cuddling part of it.. "I just wanted to say.. I really missed you.."  
He smiled wide and I saw his pointed teeth.. They looked so sharp. But I knew this smile was out of happiness.. Not a drunken craze.

"I missed ya' too." He nuzzled me back and I blushed. I didn't like Gamzee as any more than a moirail.. But the affection always got me flustered. "Mind if I go take this makeup off before we start this movie..?"

I looked up at him, honestly a bit surprised. I had known Gamzee most of my life but I had never seen him without his makeup on. "Yeah. Sure. You know where the rags are and everything. Just make yourself at home."

He smiled and gave me a small hug before leaving to wash his face.. Leaving me to wonder what he'd look like without clown makeup.

It was about ten minutes later when I heard his voice again, his arms snaking around my shoulders from behind. "Thanks for waitin'. That stuff can be a pain to get off sometimes." He spoke softly, once again causing me to blush.

"I can imagine. I'm shocked that stuff isn't permanently stained on your face." I looked up at him, but he had moved. Where the hell did he go? Well.. When I looked forward again, he was there, smiling as I jumped back a bit. "Jegus Gamzee! Don't do that!" I blushed, embarrassed that he had scared me.

He chuckled and I couldn't help but blush darker. He actually looked really good without his makeup on.. Despite the three long scars that stretched across his face.

"Sorry bro." He said this softly and came closer to me, making me blush more.

"Gamzee, you're a bit close.."  
"Oh.. Sorry.. Didn't notice." He brought a hand up to my cheek and my heart started racing. This was how it started last time. He had gotten close, made me feel extremely flustered, and when I pulled away he hit me. I started to shake and he gently kissed my cheek. "G-Gamzee.."

"It's ok Karkat.. I'm not gonna hurt you. Not again." He turned my head, making me look at him. "I missed ya' Karkat.." And then he was kissing me.

I blushed darker than ever at the sound of my name alone and darker so at the kiss. It was actually sweet.. Like the shitty soda he always drank.. And before I knew it, I was kissing back.


	5. Chapter 5

"Mornin' Karbro. Sleep well?" Gamzee's voice was laced with sleep as I awoke in bed, his arms around me. I blushed. Shit. When did we move to my room..? I rubbed my eyes, nodding softly at Gamzee's question.

"Good."

That was his only word before I felt his soft lips on mine. I blushed darker than ever, not exactly kissing back. Instead I pulled away, sitting up in bed. "I-I've got to go use the bathroom.."  
He chuckled. He fucking chuckled. "Alright bro."

And with that I quickly went off to my bathroom, rinsing my face with water once the door was shut and locked. I was shaking, not quite sure what had happened the night before. I wiped my face, looking into the mirror afterwards.

What I saw shocked me.

Bite marks, hickeys, even some scratches, covered my skin. I blushed. Shit. Now I remembered. How the hell did Gamzee get me to do that with him? I shook my head, images of Gamzee marking me, kissing me, and touching me all over flashing before my eyes.

"Holy shit.." I suddenly realized I was extremely sore between the legs and blushed more and more as I replayed everything over in my mind.

"Karbro? You ok?" I hear him on the other side of the door and I start to shake a bit.

"Y-yeah.. I'm fine."

"You don't sound fine. Can I come in..? Please?"

I sighed. It wasn't like I could deny him such a simple request after having slept with him. I opened the door, blushing darkly. "I'm fine Gamzee.. Really I am.."

"I just wanted to make sure.." He said this softly, gently bringing a hand up to my cheek. I couldn't stop blushing. Gamzee's gaze did something to me.. It made me feel safe..

"Did we really... You know.. Last night..?" I asked this shyly, leaning into his touch a bit.

"Yeah.. Shortly after I kissed you.." He smiled and I couldn't help but smile back as he gently pulled me close.

"Gamzee I-" My cell phone went off and he smiled, letting go of me and walking back to my bedroom. "Go answer that. I'll be in bed waitin' for you."

I nodded slowly, watching Gamzee walk away. I felt weird.. It was like I was in some sort of dream. I went to my cell phone, unplugging it from it's charger and flipping it open. "Hello?"

"It'th about time you anthwered my fucking callth kk." The lisp tainted voice rung in my ear, obviously pissed off.

"Oh. Hi Sollux. What do you want now? It's kinda early."  
"Early? It'th two thirty in the afternoon thmart athth. Thtrider won't thtop athking me where the fuck you are. And I honethtly want to know too. I heard you let Gamzee thtay with you. Ith everything ok?"  
"Yeah.. I'm fine. Perfectly fine. Gamzee and I.. Well we decided to skip school today."

"Thkip thchool? You never thkip Kk. What were you two up t- Oh. Thhit Kk, you two didn't theriouthly have thex did you? I knew you were friendth before he left but wow. Holy thhit."  
"Would you shut up? I didn't say we did!"  
"No. But your denial tellth me I'm right."  
"Oh fuck you Captor. I couldn't care less what YOU think."  
"Well what about everyone elthe? Theeing ath the rumor ith already thpreading." He chuckled, causing me to frown and get even more pissed off.

"So what?! Let them think what they want! I love Gamzee and he loves me and that's all that matters!" I then hung up, heading back to the bedroom with a frown on my face.

"You ok bro?" Gamzee asked me this with a soft tone, sitting up from where he had been laying on my bed.

"Yeah.. Just Sollux pissing me off again." I sighed, sitting beside my- Moirail? Matesprit? I didn't know..

"Heh.. Just ignore the motherfucker. Who cares what he says?" Gamzee wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close. A small purr erupted from the back of my throat as I felt smooth fingers lightly rubbing my horns. I couldn't help it.. It felt good.

"Just relax bro. I'll make it better." He said this softly, kissing at my neck. It left me shivering in pleasure and I couldn't help but purr louder. He just chuckled in response and continued working his lips on my neck. It felt amazing.. And soon enough I could feel him sucking and nipping, leaving more marks along my neck and collarbone. His fingers started rubbing my horns harder and I gasped, pleasure coursing through me. He started biting and soon he had me pinned to the bed, licking over a spot that he bit too hard. It hurt, but I didn't care. This was the first time in a long time that I felt like someone cared about me and it was great.

"I-It's fine..~ Keep going~" I practically whispered this when he apologized to me and soon he was trailing his hands over my grub scars and licking at my chest. He was gentle at first.. Especially when he pulled my boxers off.. But once he managed to get my bulge out, he was rough. He scratched my sides, causing me to wince and moan at the same time. He bit my chest, my shoulders, everywhere his mouth could reach. And when he entered me he was fast and hard. I hardly even had time to adjust before he was pounding me into the bed, ripping screams from my throat. It hurt.. It hurt bad. But whenever he bit me, he licked over the bite as if to apologize, whenever he scratched enough to draw blood, he gently ran his thumb over it as if to make sure it wasn't too bad a wound, and when tears fell from my eyes due to his hard, quickening thrusts, he slowed down to kiss my tears away before pressing his lips to mine. It hurt so bad.. But I loved Gamzee. He was what I needed all along. Someone to love who would love me back. And no matter how bad it hurt.. I knew he didn't mean it.

He proved this to me when we both reached our ends.

He pulled out of me slowly, drawing a small groan from me, and collapsed to my left. I laid there, shaking and in pain. He hadn't been this rough the first time from what I remembered..

He then pulled me close to him though, his voice soft and his eyes apologetic. "I'm sorry.." He ran his fingers over my scratches, kissed my bites softly, and kept me warm as I began to fall asleep. I only smiled though, understanding that he didn't mean any of it to hurt. He was a highblood after all. Most highbloods were stronger than lowbloods, especially mutant bloods like me. "It's ok Gamzee.."  
He smiled and held me close but he didn't say anything so I did instead.

"I love you.." I said this shyly, smiling at him. But then I sighed. My partner had already fallen asleep..

And so.. I laid there, shivering slightly as I cuddled close to him for warmth.

I could only hope that Gamzee loved me as much as I now loved him..


End file.
